Conquering Loneliness- Part 1

Draco Malfoy never believed that gay people were "made"; that you could "turn" someone gay; that someone could switch back and forth between sexual orientations. He never believed it was a choice.
     Draco more than believed it; he knew it. He'd known he was gay for a long time, and he'd been gay for as long as he could remember. He looked back and recalled the feelings he tried so long to suppress, the insecurities in his mind, the secrets he could never tell. He always thought: Why WOULD anybody choose this?  
      If he could've chosen, he'd be straight as an arrow, no doubt about that. It was so much easier that way, after all. He'd tried the whole girl…thing, plenty of times. He would stare at them a lot, trying to muster up some sort of interest in them. He talked to them when he could. He looked at a couple PLAYWARLOCK magazines. Hell, he even kissed a girl once, on a dare. She was pretty too. The problem was… he felt nothing. No strange lurch of the stomach. No tingling of the nerves. Girls were nice and all. They even made great friends. But still, try as he may, girls just didn't do it for Draco.
      Boys, on the other hand, were a different story.
      When Draco was nine years old, he was out playing on the lawn of the Manor when he stumbled outside of the boundaries set by his family's protective charms, which hid the large house from prying eyes. Draco was startled when he walked almost directly into a boy who had had been wandering just outside of the enchantments. It was a Muggle boy, Draco's age, named Sam, who was quite outgoing and amiable. Draco was wary of the enthusiastic Muggle at first, after all, Draco didn't know much magic and he hadn't a wand to defend himself. However, he quickly grew to like Sam, silencing the voice in his head which said he was "only a Muggle".
       Draco and Sam got aquatinted. Sam did most of the talking, as Draco was an introverted child, but Draco didn't mind. He liked having someone to talk to, even if Sam was a Muggle. Draco usually felt rather lonely. As they talked, Draco grudgingly began to notice Sam on another level. The boy had deep brown eyes and deep brown hair, which fell in soft waves around his head down to the top of his earlobes. His skin was light, and he had freckles on his cheeks and nose. His grin was big and toothy and it lit up his face.
       Not long after the two were met, Sam eagerly started up a game. Sam was shocked that Draco wasn't familiar with the game. He had to explain it to him. The idea was simple enough, Draco thought: One person hides and the other person has to look for him. "Hide-and-Go-Seek", Sam called it. Draco stifled the thought of "Simple-minded Muggles and their games" and agreed to the play a round. Sam, predictably, pronounced himself "it", and started counting to twenty. Knowing the time crunch, Draco struggled to think of a good hiding spot. He could use magic, he supposed, but decided against it.
       Eventually choosing a nice tree to crouch behind, Draco heard "TWENTY!" and the sound of footsteps starting in his direction. Draco was surprised when he found himself really getting into the game. He heard, in the near silence, his heart beating quickly in his ears and noticed he had even started to sweat a little. He braced himself to be as still as possible. Through a gap in the many branches near the bottom of the tree, Draco could see Sam. Draco watched him as he looked in some nearby bushes, behind a boulder. Sam was whistling all the while, and smiling.
        As Draco shifted to get a better view of the boy, a twig underneath his foot snapped with a loud crack. Sam froze where he was, his back to Draco, who was cursing inwardly. Sam slowly turned around, a wicked grin on his face.
       "Come out, come out where ever you are, or else I'm gonna find you," he said, his voice soft and playful. But Draco did not budge. He had stopped looking at the other boy, and now had his back pressed against the tree, his breathing short. He could hear Sam's footfall as he walked closer and closer to Draco's hideout.
       When Sam was about two feet away from the tree, close enough to touch it, Draco bolted. He ran and ran, ignoring shouts of "Hey! That's against the rules!"
       Soon enough, though, Sam gave in to the new turn of events and started chasing after the retreating boy. It was a long chase, since both boys were young and agile. They wove through the trees and rocks, both laughing. They were a very competitive pair. They knew someone had to run out of breath eventually, but neither wanted to be the first to surrender.  
       Not seeing Sam anywhere nearby, Draco finally skidded to a stop, gasping for breath. Little did he know, his friend was hidden behind a tree close by, waiting like a lion about to pounce.
      Sam jumped suddenly from his hiding place, and was greeted by a shout from Draco, who was startled. Then, with a sort of dancer's grace, before Draco could escape, Sam leaped and tackled the other boy to the ground.
       Despite Draco's struggling, Sam had soon pinned him to the ground, grinning triumphantly. Draco had stopped struggling, and lay there looking up into Sam's face, becoming strangely aware of the other boy on top of him. The pressure felt nice, and he felt the heat coming off from Sam's body.
       "I win!" Sam said happily. Draco, still lost in his strange thoughts, smiled up at him, not really caring about defeat. Sam looked confused at this.
       "Well, aren't you angry that you lost?" he asked. Sam's question was met by nothing but more smiling on Draco's part.
       "Is something a'matter, with you?" Sam said "Why don't you say something?" Sam leaned closer to the boy underneath him as he said this, as if answers would come if he just got a closer look at him. Draco, without really thinking about it or knowing why, leaned forward suddenly and kissed Sam on his lips.
      It only lasted a second before Sam pushed Draco away hard, and Draco's head slammed on the ground. Sam jumped up hastily.
      "What'dja do that for?!" Sam shouted while wiping his mouth furiously on his sleeve, so that his words came out muffled. Draco, still on the ground, was blushing heatedly and had a look of horror on his face.
      "I… I…j-just…er," he stammered, his thoughts everywhere at once. He couldn't think straight, and he was vaguely aware that his head hurt. Sam was glaring at him.
      "Your face is really red," said Sam. At this, Draco blushed deeper. He stumbled to his feet, his head throbbing.
       "I…er…have to go now," he said quickly, his voice small. He did not dare look Sam in the eye. With that, Draco spun around and ran away as fast as he could, not glancing back. He ran all the way back towards the Malfoy Manor, to home, for lack of a better word.
       Once he felt certain that Sam was out of eyesight, finally dismissing the vague notion that the boy would run after him again, Draco collapsed. He lay down in the grass near a large tree and wept with abandon. He wept because of rejection and confusion and loneliness, and because his father would punish him severely if he were to cry at home. He lay there facedown on the grass, his breathing choking sobs and his tears seeping into the dirt. When he had finished, he wiped his eyes and continued walking, except slower this time, since he wanted the evidence to disappear before he got home. Puffy eyes and a red face, the aftermath of crying, were weaknesses. Draco laughed bitterly, thinking of his father's words. He wished he could harden himself against the things that hurt him. Maybe if he did that, then his life wouldn't be so painful. Maybe he wouldn't wish so much he could be somebody else, anybody else. Maybe…
        Draco never saw the Muggle boy, Sam, again.